As I pleaded with her to back up I gently pushed the door against her body, trying to inch it open just enough to squeeze through. In that moment I heard God's voice echoing my "mommy instructions" deep inside my soul. "I need you to back up. Just back up so that I can come in..."
And through the simple mindedness of my child, as He so often does, He painted a perfect picture for me of my simplicity in Him.
How Often? How often must I plead with Him to pick me up. To simply touch me... How often do I feel like He's just. out. of. reach. How often do I blame Him? And how His father's heart must be breaking as He tries to make me understand that I am the one blocking the door. That I am the one who has erected walls. That I am, in those moments, my own worst spiritual enemy.
Do you build walls, like I do, around your heart? Do you wonder why He stands just beyond your grasp and won't reach out to just touch you? Could it be possible that you're blocking your own door?
Precious Heavenly Father,
Help me to understand how to back away from the door. How to stop blaming you for your distance. How to simply let. you. in.
Help me to understand how your heart breaks when I blame you for not reaching out to touch me; when I think, for even just one second, that you must not love me enough. Help me to understand that my own simple mindedness is the enemy that holds you at a distance.
Keep talking to me through that door until I can finally "get it". Don't ever give up on me.